I guess this is really the first posting where I really drop my defenses. I have been pondering the question, “Why Do I Blog?”
I guess there are many reasons why people blog. For some, they desire to share details about their lives that others may find interesting or inspiring. Others just need to rant about issues, either in their own lives, or the world around them. Still others have a desire to share their writing talents with others.
I suppose, for me, it goes deeper than that. For me, blogging is therapy. I have struggled with clinical depression since late adolescence. Depression can be an insidious monster. It hides in the recesses of our minds, taunting us every moment of the day. Unlike the monsters that hid under our beds or in our closets as children, this monster is real, and, unless treated, does not go away. Until the development of the newer SSRI drugs, my depression went untreated. It was a living nightmare, both for myself and those around me.
During my fervent Christian years, attending various churches, I found that depression was something one did not talk about. In the various faith groups I was part of over the years, depression was probably one of the most misunderstood conditions. I will never forget being told that the way I was feeling was my fault. A Christian should not feel that way, because they had Jesus in them, and the joy of the Lord was to be their strength. Then there were the ones that blamed the devil. It was all the devil’s fault. It was lack of faith. It was because of sin in my life. Finally, I just gave up trying to find solace in the church, even though I went to a Christian College and eventually went into ministry for a few years. Depression was something that I learned to keep in the closet. However, it never stayed in that closet. It would come out behind closed doors, manifest in many ways. Perhaps the most destructive way was the self loathing that went along with it. If one tells himself that he is useless and no good enough times, they will believe it. Combine that with the stress of a rough marriage, the birth of a physically and mentally handicapped child, plus a work injury that has caused much pain, and left me unable to work, and you have a recipe for disaster, that almost cost me my life.
Eventually, I came to realize that depression was not my fault. Depression was not Gods fault. It wasn’t some imaginary bogey man’s fault. It was a disease caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It was a physical ailment much like diabetes, or other physical ailments. I also found that depression could be treated. I also found that some things I had tried desperately to hang onto in my life needed to be let go. Toxic relationships. Toxic faith. Toxic belief systems about myself and others. Getting the correct treatment has made a huge difference. (Although it did take awhile.)
All of this leads to to my question: “Why Do I Blog?” This question was inspired by a comment a close friend made about not understanding why people blog, or why they feel the need to blog. I’m not sure, but I get the impression they were of the opinion that people just wanted their 15 minutes of fame. The reason I blog is that it is good therapy. When I prepared messages or lessons, I had to call upon a certain amount of creativity to do that. Tat creativity does not all of a sudden leave a person because they are no longer doing what they did. I found that keeping that creativity pent up was leading to further depression. So, for me, blogging is good therapy. I’m not the best blogger. I’m not the most talented writer. But it is an outlet, and hopefully others can learn something or I can learn from them.
A note about depression: How to identify depression in yourself or others
Feelings of sadness that are not normally experienced lasting longer than a few weeks.
Feelings of hopelessness.
Suicidal thoughts.
Changes in behavior or thinking patterns (constant negative self talk).
These are just some indicators of depression in an individual. If these are things you struggle with, a trip to your doctor may be the best thing you have ever done. Don’t let others tell you it’s all your fault. It’s not! Depression is treatable. My depression is now under control and in “remission.” I will probably be taking medication for life because it was untreated for so long. If caught early enough, one may only require the medication for a short period of time.
