Canada Set To Rescue Floundering US Space Program With Secret Space Shuttle

Ottawa- With the US Space Shuttle fleet set to retire in 2010, the United States will be forced to rely upon Russia to get its astronauts off the ground to the International Space Station.  With relations somewhat cooling between the two nations, there has been a growing concern that Russia could potentially thumb its nose at the US, and abandon its partnership in the project.  This would leave US astronauts grounded until the new Ares Launcher goes operational in 2015.

Now, thanks to our northern neighbors, this fear has been alleviated.  In a stunning press conference in Ottawa yesterday, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that Canada has been developing a new Space Shuttle for the past 4 years.  Harper announced that the Shuttle was launched recently, during a recent CBC broadcast of the life and times of Anne Murray, so as to deflect anyone from noticing the launch from the secret launch complex in Eyebrow, Saskatchewan.

The Canadian Shuttle was developed at a super secret facility in “Blow Me Down”, Newfoundland, with co operation fron the government of Alberta, who supplied a great deal of funding due to their massive oil revenues.

Canadian Space Agency’s super secret Shuttle Development Facility

Harper stated that top scientists worked with an independant American researcher, who wished only to be identified by his initials, R.C.H.  R.C.H. is a former consultant to NASA during the Apollo years, and was single-handedly responsible for getting the first astronauts to the lunar surface.  R.C.H.’s theory of “Hyperdimensional Physics”, and home grown Canadian technology known as the “Canadian Leafing System”, is guaranteed to make the Canadian Shuttle accident resistant.

On orbit image of the Canadian Shuttle, The  Right Honourable Kim Campbell.

Note the Canadian Leafing technology that makes this the safest space craft ever built.

Harper stated that Canada intends to build a total of four Shuttles, “The Right Honourable Joe Clark”; “The Right Honourable John Turner”; “The Right Honourable Brian Mulroney”; to go along with “The Right Honorable Kim Campbell.”  Canada may opt to build a fifth Shuttle, “The Honourable Ralph Klein”, in recognition of the former Alberta Premier’s backing of the project.  Klein is known in some circles as “Canada’s Original Space Cadet.”

NASA officials praised the Canadians, and thanked them for saving them from a potential embarrassment.  One senior NASA official was heard to say, “You know, we’ve often said that Canada is America’s hat.  But I want to tell you, under that hat, there’s a huge brain.  The Canadians have done it again.”