I’ve been “Colonized!”

This has basically been the week from hell. On Easter Sunday, I happened to notice a small bump on my face, right where the lip meets the rest of the face in, what I call, the drain canal under the nose. (I’m not sure what it’s called, but “Snot Drain” sounds good.)  Being a little too “full of the spirit(s)”, I decided it would be best to retire for the night, and take a stab at the “Snot Drain Bump” in the morning.

Easter Monday: 6AM – Up From The Bed I Arose

As I went about my morning routine (pee, coffee, e-mail), I could not help but notice the sharp, awful pain of, “Oh for crap sake, shoot me now”, emanating from the Snot Drain. Instead of the teeny tiny zit I was expecting to be able to gently squeeze, which would have hopefully resulted in shouts of, “Thar she blows!”, as streams of white gooey pus sprayed all over my bathroom mirror, I saw something  that had a striking resemblance to a pre-eruption Mt. Saint Helen’s, only bigger, much bigger, and it was growing.

Like some deranged mad scientist I frantically began squeezing  this facial volcano, desperately seeking some sign of a vent, so the rapidly building pressure could be released. Plus, I figured that a skin volcano of this size would contain enough pus magma to cover my entire mirror.  Oh, and it hurt like bloody hell.

I decided to allow mother nature to take her course.  I figured there was so much facial seismic activity going on that she would blow at   any moment.

“And it was morning and evening, the third day, and God said, ‘Jesus, what in My Name IS that thing on that guys face? ‘ And Jesus spake, ‘I dunno, but I think the answer is right under that guys nose.”

So, now it is Tuesday, April 14, and I am convinced by satellite images taken of my face from low Earth orbit, that today is the day that “The Face will blow, that The Face will blow, Let us rejoice and be glad in it, let us rejoice and be glad in it…”

So, by this time, my upper lip is so swollen that it is almost unrecognizable as  a human body part, and, the Snot Drain has all but vanished.  I realize that this now calls for desperate measures and I undertake a major search for the biggest sewing needle I have.  Unable to find one, I begin to Chant… “Drill, Baby, Drill…”  After several minutes of this, I spy with my little eye, (little compared to the throbbing pus pit under my nose), the biggest, baddest piece of steel ever. It’s time to dig and drill, baby!

Oh, that droopy bag under the left eye? The result of the nerve damage from my first MRSA infection 2 years ago!

I poke and prod where I think the pus magma vent should lie, and… nothing.  Again… nothing. I drill, but my well is dry.  All I have succeeded in doing is making this facial monster very, very angry. As lay me down to sleep, the Lord my bump to squeeze, I am aware of the war on terror within, and the fact that I won’t sleep again.

It is now Thursday, April 16, and my defenses are in ruins. I head out the door to the doctor. I knew I should have stayed home, for Thursday, April 16, 2009 is the day I found out that I have been “Colonized” by an Alien species known as, “Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus (MRSA)”.  Staphylococcus aureus is a common bacteria that lives on the skin and in the nose of about 25% of us. However, there are times when it becomes resistant to the usual antibiotics.

MRSA Virus.  I have billions of these in my body.

That is the case with me. Over the past two years I have had at least nine very serious infections. Three in my eyes, two in my ears and the rest on my face.  Currently, the latest one has now spread into my right eye. I am on both IV and oral antibiotics.. Fortunately the doctor I saw in the ER last night is referring  me to an Infectious Disease Specialist, and, hopefully, this issue can be resolved soon.